


a complete 180

by iidkkdii



Category: Saturday Night Live, Weekend Update (SNL)
Genre: Cocaine Withdrawals, Complete, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Homophobic Language, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Mpreg, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Reluctant Parenthood, Slurs, Tags Contain Spoilers, Trans Male Character, Trans Stefon (SNL), Unplanned Pregnancy, cocaine addiction, transphobic language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-11-08 02:08:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20827637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iidkkdii/pseuds/iidkkdii
Summary: there's no way he can be pregnant. there's zero chance. all that weird behavior today? that's just not from coking up before work. he needs the buzz to function. everyone knows that. everyone.but what if it's not?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> uhhhh quick trigger warning: pregnancy, drug withdrawal, cocaine mentions, cocaine withdrawal, marijuana mentions, male pregnancy, pregnancy depression, homophobic slurs, transphobic slurs 
> 
> so if any of that makes you uncomfortable, please click away now, or read at your own risk. stay safe, folks.

waking up in a bed that was not his own and rushing to the bathroom to puke up all of last night's mistakes was not uncommon for stefon - no, quite the contrary. the only odd thing about that day, after he left the apartment he woke up in (after taking the man's watches and nice jewelry to pawn off), was when he walked into work to co-host weekend update. as soon as he walked in, he has to lean against the wall to stop the hallway from spinning - again, not uncommon. 

_ it's just 'cause i haven't done anything yet today..  _ stefon thinks, his head killing him and the hallway still stubbornly spinning.  _ i just need something - anything.  _

he pats his pockets and is dismayed to find nothing in them. usually he keeps a joint or fucking  _ something  _ to keep the edge off. he likes when his head's in the clouds and he feels like he can fly, not when he can clearly feel his feet on the linoleum tile. 

rubbing his face, he continues to make his way through the building to the green room to wait for the show to begin. seth was already live, talking nonsense about something ridiculous. stefon leans his elbows on his knees and puts his face in his hands. fuck. bet that douchebag he slept with the night before stole all his shit after he fell asleep. 

what he’d give for a line right now. 

he hears his cue and slides out, feeling off his game and nauseous the entire time. 

\---

"you seemed off today," seth says immediately after the  _ on air  _ sign went dark. "you feeling okay?" 

stefon waved him off. "yes, i'm fine. always." 

seth gives him a look and accepts the answer. "are you coming home tonight?" 

stefon shrugged. "dunno." 

"i miss you, actually. never thought i would say that, at least out loud," seth admits, reaching his hand out and stefon takes it. 

his rings are cold and seth's hand is warm. somehow, those things together make his stomach turn and he slaps a hand over his mouth, letting go of seth's warm hand. 

seth looks concerned. stefon waves him off again and stands, putting his other hand over his mouth too. 

he goes to the closest bathroom and locks the door tightly, sinking down to the floor. tears well up in his eyes and confusion trickles down his nerves, straight to his heart. what the hell is going on? 

he pats his shirt and pants, toeing his shoes off and looking in those too for something,  _ anything _ . just one singular thing to stop this. his fingers hit something crinkly and he takes it out of his sock. 

a clear snack baggie with enough coke for a few lines.  _ fuck yes _ . 

\---

turns out he does return home that night, buzzing pleasantly from alcohol and various drugs. he can hear the tv is on in the bedroom and makes his way there, opening the door with a wide, way-too-happy smile. 

"you're high," seth says, not taking his eyes off the television which is playing some true crime show. 

"as a kite," stefon replies, blissfully. "just what i needed." 

seth pulls out his phone, googling something and then slides his phone across the bed. stefon steps closer, curious, and sees  _ 'signs of early pregnancy.'  _ he laughs and shakes his head. 

"are you trying to tell me you're pregnant? that's not poss-" 

"no, i'm trying to tell you i think  _ you're  _ pregnant. stefon, i know what you do in your own time is none of my business, but can you remember if you've had unprotected sex recently?" seth asks, looking down and fidgeting with his fingers. 

stefon can't even speak, let alone think. this is ruining his cloud nine high, making him come down to earth faster than he ever had before. pregnant? he can't… not after everything he went through. there's no way. 

and he says as such. there's no way he can be pregnant, seth meyers. there's zero chance. all that weird behavior today? that's just not from coking up before work. he needs the buzz to function. everyone knows that. everyone.

"stefon… please," seth says, strangely quiet. "i need to know. is there anyone else you're seeing unprotected?" 

stefon rushes over and kneels next to him on the bed, grabbing his hand. "there's no one, it's only you, seth, only you, i promise." 

this, oddly enough, does not seem to comfort seth as much as stefon thought it would. instead he breaks, crumbling into tears as stefon sits there on his heels like an idiot. he's never been good with crying people unless they're high too - seth is just… stefon doesn't know. 

stefon doesn't know why he's crying, just knows that seth thinks he's pregnant and that a stranger is perhaps the father? 

"i got a test for you in the bathroom. please go take it," seth pleads, wiping his face and turning it away when stefon puts his hand on his face. 

a pregnancy test is indeed waiting for him in the bathroom. it sits there, like a monster, a promise of wailing babies and clacking alphabet toys. it scares him, honestly. he futzes around for a while, staring at the box and tapping his fingers on it. his heart pounds in his throat the whole time. he buzzes with coke and nervous energy, the latter being the strongest force at hand. 

finally, he takes the thing out of the box and drops the box in the trash. he holds that stupid white and pink stick in his hand, staring at it like one would at a staring child. mild annoyance and anger. maybe a little fear, depending on the child. 

he puts the stick down and sits on the edge of the bathtub, trying to ground himself with the cold ceramic of the tub. the tub is white, matching the toilet and sink. above the sink is a mirror-slash-medicine cabinet. there's hair gel, toothbrushes and toothpaste, floss and some old medications. all the faucets are silver. some hairbrushes sit on the tank of the toilet in a glitter pink wire basket. deodorants are in the cabinet too.

and on the edge of the white ceramic sink, is the test. 

stefon takes a deep breath, standing up and shaking his hands. his rings clatter to the floor, but he steps forward to pick up the test, his other hand undoing his pants. 

a few minutes later, he exits the room, gripping the stupid plastic stick in his hand. seth migrated to the couch, leg bouncing anxiously. when stefon emerges, he stands up. 

his eyes asks,  _ and? _ and stefon wants to die. 

"congratulations, seth meyers," he says bitterly, throwing the thing at seth, "you're a  _ daddy  _ now." 

god. he's furious. how could he be so stupid? he skips birth control for one goddamn week and now he's… he's… fuck. fuck. he wants to throw something, break a lamp or huck lightbulbs at a brick wall. scream. something to let out all this energy he's got. 

he's fuming, crossing his arms tightly. looking over, seth's got his hand over his mouth, looking at the tiny pink plus sign on the test. to be fair, seth doesn't look too stoked about it either. 

"stef, i-" 

"shut the fuck up, seth, this is all your fault," stefon spits savagely, blatantly lying. he knows  _ he  _ was the one that skipped his medication,  _ he  _ wanted seth to… goddammit. 

seth puts the stick with its stupid positive pink plus sign on the coffee table and says, "y'know, stef, i'm not entirely happy about this -  _ you  _ \- either. and for the record, it's not just my fault. you just want to push blame and point fingers 'cause you're pissed at yourself for letting this happen." 

"you think i  _ wanted  _ this, meyers? you think i want something that will ruin my reputation? you think i want this fucking  _ thing  _ inside me?" stefon hisses, stalking around seth like a tiger waiting to pounce. 

seth sputters. "your…  _ your  _ reputation?! how do you think the internet will respond to me-" 

"to you, what, fucking a tranny fag? finish your fucking sentence." 

"jesus christ, stef, no. i meant, the internet will freak at me and you - about our apparent 'relationship'. we need to keep this under wraps until we can figure out what we want to do with it." 

stefon shakes his hands out and covers his face, gritting his teeth so hard they squeak. his head hurt and he felt nauseous again. he rubs his face. he collapses onto the couch, throat tightening and eyes welling up. tears stream down his face, streaking his eyeliner as he sobs into his hands. 

he feels hands on his shoulders and seth holding him close. he turns, crying into seth's chest, letting his co-host cradle him. 


	2. Chapter Two

that night was rough, tossing and turning on the couch. sometimes stefon would catch himself touching his stomach, trying to imagine what a baby bump would look like. he wonders how long he's been pre-  _ like this _ \- for. it must've been when he was off the meds, because seth noticed a week's worth of pills wasn't gone and started making him take them again. that week was exciting, the uncertainty if he was gonna… he regretted it now though. no matter how exciting it was. 

he takes his hand off his stomach again and shoves it under his butt. staring at the ceiling, he wonders if seth was still awake, because the tv was still on. a low hum of some 90's sitcom he knew nothing about. 

he wants to get and go to him, but… after that show of vulnerability? he needs time. they both do, really. 

stefon hasn't even washed off the streaked makeup yet. it feels tacky and sticky on his skin. it's driving him fucking nuts. he doesn't want to get up. ever. 

he puts his other hand under his butt too. 

\---

someone kisses his forehead and he stirs awake, startled to see seth above him. seth moved to sit down by his feet. 

he sits up and tucks his legs close to him. he subconsciously hunches over on himself, hiding his stomach - his shame. 

"i'm sorry, seth meyers," stefon blurts first. "i didn't mean to say all that last night, i just… you know. life-changing news i didn't want ever." 

seth smiles softly. stefon knows he rarely ever apologizes first, and hardly ever with a reason accompanying the apology. usually, seth has to coax it out of him. 

"i'm sorry, too, stef. i.. same. life-changing news i wasn't ready for." seth smiles and holds out his hand. 

stefon shakes it, smiling too. he pulls his sleeves over his hands, covering his face. "i look so awful right now." 

seth laughs and lets stefon retreat to the bathroom to shower and stuff. 

taking off his shirt, stefon catches his reflection in the mirror. his eyes, red and puffy from crying so much, outlined in smudgy black eyeliner. the glitter highlight on his cheekbones had faded too, ending up all over his face and in his messy hair. 

his eyes go to his stomach, which was already normally soft anyway, but all he could see was a baby bump that wasn't there. a sense of anxiety rose in him, threatening to drown him in panic if he didn't tear his gaze from his reflection immediately. he did so and showered, letting the hot water run over his face and chest. 

stefon steps out, toweling himself mostly dry. exiting the bathroom with freshly washed hair, still damp and dripping, he asks seth, "why did you think preg- of that before anything else? i thought i was just… y'know, thought i just needed a line or something." 

seth looks up, and says, "i know you pretty well," dragging his eyes up and down stefon's figure, making the club kid blush. "so i know what you're like when you  _ 'just need a line _ '." 

stefon nods. "yeah, that's fair." 

\---

imagine quitting cocaine cold turkey because your dumb co-host wants your baby to be "healthy." chattering teeth and cold sweats and  _ pain  _ all for a baby you never wanted in the first place. 

weekend update's ratings have gone down since stefon stopped showing up, even if seth brings on one of stefon's equally coked up friends. not one of them got the reactions that stefon got. not a one. 

he spent most of his time in bed crying or the bathroom puking. that was between him raiding the fridge and eating goddamn everything in sight. there was not one thing stefon would not eat. their grocery bill skyrocketed. 

two or three months of this endless cycle, stefon had started to show a little. not much, but enough to make him want to throw himself down a very long flight of stairs. just the smallest baby bump which seth fawned over. 

every day he came home from work, he started talking about his day and stefon knew it was more so their… baby… would get used to the sound of his voice. stefon had barely spoken during this two to three month duration. 

he felt alienated in his own body, as if he were beside himself, watching himself do all this shit. his body still hurt, and his head pounded and he felt nauseous from the baby and from withdrawals. he was trapped in hell for six more months. 

he wasn't allowed out, not even on their dinky little balcony. he spent all his days trapped in their apartment, watching the same movies and listening to the same tv shows. he wanted to die, for the first time since he was fourteen. he was twenty-six now. 

seth is home, talking to stefon's stomach, tracing the bump. stefon lies on his back, stewing silently. it's all too much. how obsessed seth is with this fucking thing infesting him, how disgusting seth sounds talking to it, all high pitched and simple-minded. as if he were talking to a dog. a mutt. 

god, why had he skipped the birth control meds? he was so stupid. why hadn't he made seth wear a latex? so fucking stupid.

_ i'd kill for a joint _ , he thinks as he falls into a restless sleep.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {warning: light smut}

seth remembered the first day he met stefon: a young man freshly turned twenty-four. he also remembered the day he realized he was in love with stefon. the club kid had just turned twenty-five a month or two before. 

he was coated head to toe in glitter and he remembered how big stefon’s pupils were. how bright and wide his smile was. how pretty he looked with sunlight dancing off the glitter on his cheekbones. and even though his hair was in the most ridiculous style ever, with the ugliest blond highlights, seth couldn’t help but imagine running his fingers through it.

seeing someone you love so much go through two awful things all at once sucks. it sucks so much. so much. all seth wanted to do was stay home and try and comfort stefon, but he couldn’t. he needed to work as much as possible to make as much money as possible so their, uh, baby, could be comfortable. and stefon too. 

seth knew that stefon hated not being able to go out and snort coke off of a heprechaun’s cock, or whatever he did when he went out. he never understood stefon’s party animal lifestyle, but understood that it was important to him. and stefon knew it was important that seth be the only real lover in his life. stefon actually made an effort to cut down on his partying and sleeping around (but only a little). 

when he got home that evening, he calls out a greeting. he doesn't expect an answer and doesn't get one. he hangs his coat up, walking deeper into their apartment. he calls out stefon's name again. 

the tv is on in their bedroom. he walks in, seeing his co-host on the bed, curled in on himself. he has the blankets thrown over him and seth can see his shoulders are shaking and he can hear the hushed sobs. 

he steps closer, walking around the bed and sitting next to stefon’s covered, curled-up form. he rubs what he thinks is stefon’s leg in a soothing manner. stefon sniffles and his face emerges from the nest he’s made for himself. 

stefon’s puffy and red eyes tug at seth’s heartstrings, making him want to cry too. 

“hi, baby,” seth coos, running his hand up and down stefon’s thigh. “how’s my favorite-”

“are you happy, seth?” stefon interrupts, voice rough and gravelly. he sniffles again, reaching up to rub underneath his eyes. 

seth falters. his immediate reaction is yes - he’s healthy, he’s making money and now he and the man he loves most in the world are going to have a baby of their own. after giving his response more thought - he realizes no, not really. he’s not one-hundred percent happy because his lover is unhappy and suffering, and if he could let go of the domestic dream for one second, he’d march stefon right on down to the planned parenthood and discuss their options. 

but he can’t because he wants that baby, even though it’s hurting stefon and by association - him. 

he tells stefon as such, the short answer being _ yes and no _. seth doesn’t get into too much detail, because he’d hurt stefon more. he doesn’t want that. the former club kid is going through too much right now. 

he does admit - to himself, in his head - that he is being selfish by not taking stefon to get rid of this baby. he is being selfish. he wants the domestic life his mother told him he always was gonna have. the life he was going to have with his “serious” ex-girlfriend. but now he wanted that life with stefon. 

his quirky, bizarre stefon. the kid constantly drenched in glitter and always dressed in those hideous ed hardy shirts with those fake tattoo sleeves. how awful he was at his job as city correspondent, how unbelievable all those clubs he mentioned are, all those stupid things that made him love and want stefon even more. 

“stef,” seth starts softly, reaching up to cup stefon’s face, letting him nestle into his palm. “i love you so much. this… whole situation won’t, and doesn’t, make me love you any less. i just… as soon as these nine months are over, baby, we’ll go to your favorite club and get fucked up, okay? i promise.” 

stefon blinks, his eyebrows twitching. “is that supposed to make me feel better? because it doesn’t. i know someone who could fix me in a hot second, but i’m not allowed outside the apartment - because you’re scared of ruining your fucking reputation as a “respectable straight man.” seth, if you really loved me, you’d let me get rid of the ba-” he stops talking, suddenly looking rather green. he sits up, swinging his legs off the bed, putting a hand over his mouth. 

he snaps his fingers and points at the bed - an incredibly effective way of telling seth to _ stay put _. seth stays still on the bed as stefon rushes to the bathroom, thinking about how badly he might’ve fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him. 

eventually, stefon comes back, wiping his hands on his sweatpants. he wasn’t wearing a shirt either, and seth couldn’t help but admire how pretty his lover looked, soft and surgery scars on his chest and the baby bump stretching the elastic on the sweatpants in the slightest way. nevermind the thin sheen of sweat on his skin and how he constantly looked sick to his stomach. still the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. 

seth reaches his hands out for stefon’s, and stefon grants him this wish. standing in front of him, letting seth hold his hands, letting seth stare at him. seth brings stefon’s hands to his mouth and kisses all his knuckles. 

“i really do love you, stef. a whole hell of a lot. i promise.” seth lets go of the city correspondent’s hands and puts his own on his lover’s hips. he pulls him closer. 

stefon puts his hands on seth’s arms, sliding them up into his hair. when he steps closer, seth wraps his arms around his waist and presses his forehead just underneath his sternum. he presses little kisses all over stefon’s torso, running his hands up his back. 

“can i show you?” seth asks hotly, kissing up stefon’s chest, sucking gently on his clavicles and his neck. “can i show you how much i love you?” 

stefon tilts his head, his breathing already raggedy. he cups the back of seth’s head and lifts seth’s shirt to run his hand up his torso. “yeah…” he says, breathless. 

seth guides stefon to lay on his back on the bed and settles between his legs, the club kid’s sweatpants on the floor already. seth kisses stefon lightly, his hand on his hip. he starts making his way lower, sucking light hickeys here and there, murmuring affirmations along the way. 

when he reaches the crook of stefon’s thigh and hip intending to tease him a bit, stefon whines and directs seth’s head to where he really wants attention. getting the hint, seth wraps his hands around stefon’s thighs, diving straight into him, moving with every buck and roll of the other man’s hips. 

it’s only a matter of time before stefon can’t hold back any moans of his co-host’s name, can’t stop himself from grinding up into seth’s mouth. he can’t find anchorage, going from the headboard, to the sheets, to seth’s hair, to seth’s hands. 

he’s already sore from seth’s skilled tongue, and he has to physically push seth away saying brokenly, “seth, baby, gimme- you gotta gimme a second… holy fuck.” he closes his legs, a hand between them and the other holding seth’s hand. “you’re too good at that, seth meyers.”

seth licks his lips rather obscenely, and leans down, kissing stefon roughly. “only the best for my favorite boy.” 

stefon whimpers into seth’s mouth, gripping his hair tightly, wrapping his legs around his hips. “you never fail to blow my mind. every time. get you and your stupid tongue back down there and make me come again.” 

seth grins as stefon pushes him back down between his thighs. 

\--- 

  


some hours later, stefon was sore and warm, half-sleeping in seth’s arms. seth knew that when stefon had a marathon like that, he tended to fall asleep pretty soon afterwards - coming that much, that fast sure did take a lot out of a guy. and not to mention, seth’s jaw hurt like a bitch, but it was a small price to pay for stefon’s temporary happiness. 

he runs his fingertips up and down stefon’s shoulder blade, over his shoulder and back down again. stefon hums and nestles closer, tucking his face into seth’s neck. 

“i’m sorry i haven’t-” seth starts, getting cut off by stefon snoring. he smiles softly and kisses his messy hair. “it can wait.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {warning: homophobic & transphobic language}

stefon groans and says, "babe, i'm sorry, but i don't expect you to understand what's going on in my head right now, and i'm honestly unsure i want anyone else but me occupying what little of my body is truly mine." 

he'd forgotten what the argument was about, but was fairly certain he'd started it over something stupid, like the cereal seth got or how the floss they have tastes like banana. god, fuck bananas. they're just yellow squishy worms. and they smell revolting.

"stef, i can't help you if i don't know what's going on in your head. i need to understand what you're thinking, so i can  _ help _ !" seth says, frustrated. 

"i just said, i don't know if i want your help, seth meyers. can you just listen to me? understand what i'm trying to say," stefon says angrily, sitting down and putting a hand on his thigh, breathing hard. 

it was five months in. stefon was bigger and he hated it. he could feel how big he was, even if he avoided mirrors at all costs. he was sure he looked just awful. maybe he looked as awful as he felt.

seth, on the other hand, thought stefon looked beautiful - that signature pregnant person glow. 

they hadn't slept together in months, both literally and.. and sexually. seth was out on the couch because the way he breathed when he was sleeping was annoying. stefon stayed in the room, curled up and sobbing into his hand or into a pillow. 

he's never felt less horny in his life, which is odd because he's usually steaming. he's always hot and down to fuck, wherever he is. but now, he's just… tired and sad. 

the bed creaks and seth's hands are on stefon's shoulders. he's rubbing them, easing out knots and stress with easy movements of his thumbs. he presses kisses on the nape of his neck, whispering a quiet,  _ "i love you" _ between every one. 

"i made a doctor's appointment for you, stef. it's a routine checkup to see if the baby is healthy, see if you're healthy. i think we can also see what the sex is, if we want." seth continues massaging his shoulders. "i took the day off, so i can be there with you, if you want me to." 

stefon nods slowly. his eyes sting and he grips the sheets next to him. everything hurts. physically, emotionally. he doesn't feel whatever seth does towards this child; he just wants it  _ out _ . he doesn't feel connected to it like seth does. 

"it's a parasite, seth, and it's infesting me," stefon murmurs, fingers tapping idly over the five-month bump. "i'm sick." 

seth's heart pings and he rests his forehead against stefon's shoulder blade. 

\---

the whole doctor's appointment, stefon is near tears, surrounded by all the feminine things he's tried so hard to get rid of. he grips seth's hand like a lifeline and refuses to look anywhere near the ultrasound machine. he avoids the doctor's questions as best as he can and as he's getting ready to leave, putting his pants and shirt back on, he hears the doctor and seth talking. 

"is your husband okay? he seems to be having a tough time with this pregnancy," she asks seth softly, tucking her clipboard close to her chest. 

"this… it's been rough for him. i think he'll power through it though. he always does with hard things." seth sticks his hands in his pockets. "y'know… is there anything i can do? to help make this process easier on him?" 

the doctor smiles and stefon checks to see if his hoodie is loose enough to hide the bump. "just be there for him. it's all you can do as the father, i'm afraid. stefon's doing all the hard work." 

seth sighs, wringing his hands, looking curiously at the clipboard. "okay. thanks, doc. do you have the sex of the baby in there?" 

"i do. tell you what, go get your man, come back here and we can see if you guys want to know or not," the doctor says brightly and seth thanks her, walking away. 

seth takes stefon's hand and leads him back towards the woman doctor. they talk for a long time on whether or not they want to know the sex of the baby. stefon is indifferent. he doesn't care, because he's not keeping the fucking thing. seth is obviously quite curious.

"you two... are having a girl. she's healthy and developing just perfectly. and stefon, please don't take any drugs other than the ones we give you. thank you boys, see you in a few weeks!" she walks off, smiling brightly. 

stefon takes a deep breath and turns to seth, staring down three inches at him. "you told her?" 

"it was important information for her to know, stef! i was curious to see if the few weeks while you were out partying would've affected her growth," seth says, defensively. 

stefon starts walking out of the doctor's building after hearing  _ her growth  _ with seth chasing after him. he was well aware of the people looking at him and the scene seth was causing. 

"y'know, seth, the only reason i haven't gone out in months, or done anything stupid since this shit started is because you're happy. i know you try to pretend like it doesn't, but the fact that you're going to have a daughter makes you happy. and i want that life with you, but not like this. it hurts too much like this. i would've been so much more happy if we were paying some schmuck to have this baby, but we aren't and that pisses me off. everything i worked so hard for - my image, my look, the way people see me - if anyone else knew about this, it'd be ruined. i'd be the new hit at gush - a pregnant tranny faggot carrying seth meyers' baby," stefon snaps. his eyes brim with tears and his voice shakes, but he keeps talking. "my reputation that i worked for since i was eighteen years old, would be ruined all because of a baby i never even wanted in the first place!" 

seth stands speechless, watching his co-host cry in the middle of a doctor's office parking lot. he had no idea stefon hated it that much. he stands there uselessly as stefon shakes his head and walks back to the car, shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets. 

it was sweltering outside, but stefon was dressed head to toe in black. black hoodie, black jeans, black shoes. there was not a trace of glitter to be found anywhere near him. 


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit goes down.

the day had arrived. in fact, the day had arrived three days ago. he was  _ over _ due. that was something he didn’t know could happen to anybody, let alone him. 

stefon’s exhausted and pissed off. he’s short with any and everybody, wasting no time on chewing them out on anything. he’s spent more time alone than he has at any other time during the pregnancy. 

seth has told him that perhaps he’s overdue is because it’s stefon’s first pregnancy. stefon snapped and told him, “this is my last pregnancy, asshole. the first and the last.” 

he’d been irritable. for three days. it would be four days tomorrow. and honestly? he was fully considering falling down the apartment building stairs. the only thing stopping him was seth and how upset he’d be. how sad he’d be if his daughter never came to be. 

“seth…? what if i never feel connected to her?” stefon asks quietly, head tucked underneath seth’s chin and body pressed as closely as his belly would allow. “what if i never… what if i never become her parent?” 

seth’s hand soothes up and down stefon’s beck, fingers tracing along his spine. “stef… you will. it’s okay if you don’t feel like that right away. lots of people don’t, and there’s support systems for that. you will be her parent, regardless of when it happens.” 

stefon didn’t feel any better. if anything, he felt the same. horrible and sad and tired. 

\---

he wakes up with a sort of unbearable pain in his abdomen and lower back, rendering him breathless. wheezing, he reaches out and meets empty space. right - seth slept on the couch now. stefon pulls himself out of bed, stumbling out to the living room, shaking seth awake. 

seth stirs, looking up at stefon’s face, taking in the pained expression and waking up immediately. “what’s wrong? are you okay? is it the baby?” he asks, sitting up and taking stefon’s hands. 

stefon grips seth’s hands tightly, breathing heavily. “i-i don’t know, i… it hurts, though, i- ah, fuck.”

“where does it hurt, stef?” seth asks, pulling stefon close and putting his hands on his hips. "do we need to go to the hospital?" 

stefon reluctantly nods, eyes wide and wet, glimmering in pain. his bottom lip trembles as he admits defeat. he lets seth sit him down and he grips the edge of the couch as seth rushes around, throwing together a hospital bag. 

he's not even in his own body anymore, watching as seth leads him down the apartment building stairs, watching as seth gets him in the car and watching as seth drives them to the hospital. he's in a trance, a dream-like state where none of this is happening to him. 

things happening around him were muffled, as if his head were underwater. he keeps hearing what sound like questions in feminine voices and he hears seth's voice clearly. it's comforting and familiar and he clings to it like a lifeline. stefon is vaguely aware of his hand in seth's, and he's gliding along, his feet on foot plates. 

suddenly he's in a bed and he hears screaming. he hears seth in his ears, clear as a bell, whispering words of comfort, encouragement. 

_ you can do this, baby. _

_ just a little longer, stef, you're doing so well.  _

_ i love you.  _

he doesn't remember anything up until the doctors put a small weight on his chest. stefon looks at it and recognizes the small, sweet face of his newborn daughter. she's so small. she's  _ tiny _ . 

his throat closes and his eyes well up again. how can one thing be this small? how does one so small not break like glass? 

he looks up and finds seth's face. seth looks exhausted, but smiles at him and puts his hand on stefon's face. 

"i'm so proud of you, baby, so, so proud," seth says, lovingly, tears in his eyes too. "i love you, stef. i love you so much." 

"i'm so tired," stefon whimpers. 

seth tucks hair behind stefon's ear, out of his eyes and kisses stefon's forehead. "i know, the doctors have to check your vitals first and make sure you're okay." 

stefon nods sleepily and looks back down at the baby on his chest. her eyes are closed. he reaches up and touches her face gently. she's soft, smooth and so, so beautiful. 

"she has your nose, seth meyers," stefon says softly. "she looks just like you." 

the doctor knocks gently and comes in, smiling. "hey, guys. how are we feeling?" 

"tired," seth answers, petting stefon's hair. 

the club kid leans on seth's shoulder, dozing off. the doctor laughs quietly, nodding her head. 

"so, stefon looks good, baby looks good, everything's good and healthy. have you two thought of names yet?" the doctor asks. 

seth shakes his head, kissing stefon's sweat-soaked hair and putting his hand on their baby. "no, i think we'll leave that for tomorrow." 

"that's okay. y'all should get some sleep. i'll be back in the morning to retake stefon's vitals and make sure your baby's okay." the doctor leaves, closing the door behind her. 

\---

when stefon wakes up the next morning, he panics at first because he can't feel his baby's weight on his chest anymore, and he doesn't feel seth next to him. he looks around, scared and immediately calms down a bit when he sees seth sleeping in the chair next to his bed. 

he doesn't see his baby, and that freaks him out. it really,  _ really  _ freaks him out. 

there's a nurse next to his bed, writing things down on her clipboard. 

"where's my baby?" stefon asks, voice hoarse and croaky from how intensely he used it yesterday. 

"the nursery," the nurse says. "you can go see her, if you want." 

"wha's happenin'?" seth asks, speech slurred from sleep. 

stefon reaches for seth and sits up slowly, using his arm as support. his fingers make contact with seth's. 

"i want to see my baby," stefon says grimly. "i need to see her." 

seth grabs his hand and holds it, helping stefon out of bed. stefon stands just fine on his own and seth puts a bathrobe around his shoulders. 

"let's go see our baby girl, hm?" 

they make their way down the halls, hand in hand, and talking quietly to themselves. stefon complains of how sore he is and seth tells him what happened. 

"y'know, seth meyers, i was thinking we name her november. since… it's november now and she was born in it, so…" stefon says, smiling softly. 

"that's beautiful, stef. her middle name could be olivia. november olivia has a nice ring to it, yeah?" 

"november olivia meyers." 


End file.
